Farewell, My Good Friend Mason

     Today was a bittersweet day. I had the opportunity to return home to Cleveland, OH, which was very exciting. However, in doing so I had the unfortunate experience of bidding 'adieu' to my personal chauffeur.

 

     Mason and I have become good friends over the past semester. In late January I discovered that one can use his/her meal plan to pay for a BYU driver to transport me to and from classes or simply through the Provo surrounding area. 

     I took every advantage of this service and, being a fairly regular customer, I was able to request Mason for all of my transportation needs. Mason was always incredibly well-mannered, cordial, and on time.

     Well, BYU's chauffeur service has 'tread-points'* so the more I drive, the more I save with the service. (I think it's a "you have to spend money to make money" kind of idea). With this in mind, I ultimately had Mason picking me up each morning from my apartment in time to stop by Jamba Juice for an orange juice before dropping me off on campus for class. Following choir at 17:00 I could expect to see Mason in the HFAC parking lot waiting to deliver me back to my apartment for the evening. 

     I have to imagine that I was a valued customer, as I took every opportunity to utilize the service. This was certainly beneficial as Mason was more-or-less at my beck and call during the semester: many midnight McDonald's runs were made possible solely through Mason's reliability.

     Although, I think that this service was most useful in regards to the dating life. I mean, I can't deny that more than a few heads turn in Mason's direction when he's in the driver's seat; all the same, he was a great sport through it all. Each time I called on his services for a date he pulled out the ol' fake wedding ring, dissuading any lingering thoughts the young woman might have of dallying with him.

      All the same, I'd have to say that what I most appreciated was the conversation. Mason may not have the most life experience under his belt but he was always there to listen and offer any advice that he had. And advice- he had. I could never fully explain how truly grateful I am for all of Mason's encouragement whenever the "goin' got tough."

Thank you, Mason. And may the odds be ever in your favor. You are an admirable colleague

~Sir Jacob van Heemskerck Duker DeBaltzo Esquire

*not dissimilar to airline "miles"

Not Yet Endowed, but certainly Well-Endowed

This past Wednesday I ventured into the Wilkinson basement with Sam and Max. During our time in the basement we had the opportunity to visit the renowned "Elevator Restrooms."

The visit was, to say the least, a great disappointment.

The urinals were understandably stationary; I would have expected nothing more where aiming is required.
On the other hand, it seemed as though ALL of the stalls were out of order. Not a single one was operating (and I tried all of them).

All I'm saying is that I would have appreciated a "Temporarily Out of Service." Perhaps then I wouldn't have needed to get my hopes up so unnecessarily.

La Vida Buena

Well guys I just realized that I have a ton of joyous pictures on my phone and I know how much you would all like to see them, because let's be honest, my life is freaking awesome. On a more serious note, I think someone has to make the feeble attempt of keeping this blog alive. Also, I may or may not be doing anything possible to avoid studying for finals. And maybe I really do have a complex and I need to be acknowledged at all times. Welp at least one of those reasons is accurate, I'll let you decide which one is.

Anyways, life has been pretty darn fantastic of late. Lots of studying, hanging out with Jack and Max, the roommates, and Johanna. No complaints. Here's the picture joy for the week:

Bryce Canyon was sooooo flippin ballin:

Mallory and Me (I know Mom; I'm such a rebel)

Left to right: Me, Mallory, Kassi, Jack, Dane

Austin, Lacey, Mallory, Dane, Me, Creighton, Kassi, Tyler, Lacy, and Mitch.

All the girls in this picture are in the same apartment that we hang out with a ton (and the random other guys are boyfriends, soon to be fiancees except Mitch, he's totally random)

I really hope I don't have this conversation anytime soon...

Johanna did rent-a-puppy here and took at least 5,000,203 pictures of it on my phone

Future Birthday present (by Ben Goode). This would certainly make my life easier.

Hannah (Johanna's roommate), Johanna, and Me

Bo drew this at the OSU institute with the missionaries.

Life's great, gotta love it!

Love, Sam

Silent Treatment

  So for April Fools Day Creighton decided that the fun prank to do would be to get everyone to give me the silent treatment. And I mean everyone. Any person that he thought I had contact with on a daily basis he texted (if he had their number) and told them to avoid or ignore me at all costs. Fortunately he doesn't have everyone's number and some people broke super easy but I still have to give him tons of credit for the ingenuity. I got home at like 730 last night though and none of my roommates would talk to me. I was going to study with Johanna but I guess Creighton begged her to join on so she was "busy". So...I had a nice quiet run by myself and some good individual study time...oh joy. All in all, it wasn't a total silent treatment, but I give Creighton major props for the idea.
  Creighton was just on fire yesterday. The other idea he came up with had to do with our wonderful roommate Rick. Rick is, to say the least, girl crazy. Like seriously girls are everything to him. So Creighton texted like every girl he knew that Rick didn't have their number and had them text him and tell him about their undying love for him. I guess he got texted like 20 times or something. I was so proud of the girls; they came up with some super good stuff.
  Finally, Philly and I collaborated with Creighton (before he started ignoring me) and we threw all of Bronson's garments in the freezer. We were proud of it, and I think he had a chilly morning downstairs.
  So, moral of the story...Creighton's gonna get some major payback soon from Rick and I (and Dane will probably join because he thinks pranking's hilarious). But, I thought you guys would enjoy.

Love, Sam

Festival of Colors

Freakin loved this!!!

Andrew the Resident Assistant

This kid is something else.

I don't think that any of my descriptions can possibly do justice to the situation. But I have to do my best, because if I don't tell others I'm not sure that I'll believe that this actually happened.***

Let's begin a journey. A bedtime journey...

To begin this story, suppose that it's 02:37. Your apartment is all but empty. It's Friday evening, and all of your roommates are off scurrying about until all hours of the evening while you are lying in bed reading a book in dim light as you slowly sink into blissful slumber... 

When suddenly. *KNOCK.. KNOCK.. KNOCK*
A slight pause.
"Perhaps if I ignore them they'll just go away..."
*KNOCK, KNOCK!*
<As I slowly climb out of bed and walk to the door>
"Dang it, Haven. Stop losing your key."
<I look through the peephole, surprised to see none other than Andrew, my RA>
To say the least, I was surprised to see him. I don't mean to suggest that the visit was unwelcome, it was simply unexpected.
<Slowly opening the door>
J: "Hello?"
A: "Hey, man, Jack, how's it goin'?"
J: "Alright. What's up?"
A: "Hey, so I just got back from this date, and it went on a lot longer than I expected. I was thinking we were just going out to get something to eat, then we'd be heading back home, but then..."
"Is this real life? Did he seriously come over at three AM to recount his date?"
A: "so we just ended up going  bungee jumping, then we went-"
J: "You went bungee jumping tonight?!"
A: "Yeah, man. Wait, no. What I had meant to say was that we went... we went to the, the trampoline >?"
J: "Like Lowe's?"
A: "Yeah. But-"
J: "That's not bungee jumping, Andrew. Not even a little bit."
A: "Hahaha, anyways. What I had wanted to do was just come back and watch a movie. And I was wondering if your dorm had Netflix."
J: "My dorm? I mean, I don't know if everyone has Netflix. I have Netflix."
A: "Oh, cool. Where do you have it? Like in the living room?
"It's not exactly fixed to a location. I'm not sure you understand the internet, Andrew.."
J: "No, it's on my computer."
A: "Okay. Oh. So.. How's this gonna work?"
J: "How's what going to work...?" 
<Realizing that he doesn't have any intention of verbally asking if he can use my computer and Netflix account to watch something>
A: <While walking into my room> "Oh, like, on here?" <Pointing to my desktop>
J: "Nah, it's on my laptop." <Pointing it out on my desk>
A: "So, where should I like.. I mean, if you wanna watch with me.. but if you're tryna like get to sleep..."
J: "Yeah, I'll be turning in soon, so I think that the living room would be best."
<As I start up my computer and open Netflix>
A: "So where is everybody, man?"
J: "I dunno. I think David's hiking."
A: "Why are you just all alone?"
J: "... Andrew, it's three AM. I'm going to sleep.."
A: "Yeah.. As I was sayin' it, I now realize that your answer makes a lot more sense than my question. Hahaha. You know what I'm sayin'? Hahaha. I think I was just thinking that like on a Friday night people should be out with other people."
<I finish loading up the computer and starting Netflix>
A: "Yeah, hey, so do you think I could just like take this to my room, then bring it back tomorrow morning?" [I don't want you to think that I'm saying this was a ridiculous question, it was just not a possibility at that time]
J: "No. I'm leaving early tomorrow morning. Sorry." <I wasn't sorry>
A: "Ah, it's cool, man. You think we should check to see if 'Big Fish' is on there first?"
J: "It's on there. Goodnight, Andrew."


So, that was super weird. I mean, fine, but super weird. 


-Sir Jacob van Heemskerck Duker DeBaltzo Esquire

***Just to be clear, I love Andrew. He's absolutely terrific. He's friendly, outgoing, personable, happy, and generally very considerate. This was just super goofy and had to be documented. I mean, come on! That was pretty crazy.

Confessions of a Christian Sinner

Hahaha. Oh dear, I think I'm afraid to see how often this will have been the case when looking back at my life.



-Sir Jacob van Heemskerck Duker DeBaltzo Esquire