Andrew the Resident Assistant

This kid is something else.

I don't think that any of my descriptions can possibly do justice to the situation. But I have to do my best, because if I don't tell others I'm not sure that I'll believe that this actually happened.***

Let's begin a journey. A bedtime journey...

To begin this story, suppose that it's 02:37. Your apartment is all but empty. It's Friday evening, and all of your roommates are off scurrying about until all hours of the evening while you are lying in bed reading a book in dim light as you slowly sink into blissful slumber... 

When suddenly. *KNOCK.. KNOCK.. KNOCK*
A slight pause.
"Perhaps if I ignore them they'll just go away..."
*KNOCK, KNOCK!*
<As I slowly climb out of bed and walk to the door>
"Dang it, Haven. Stop losing your key."
<I look through the peephole, surprised to see none other than Andrew, my RA>
To say the least, I was surprised to see him. I don't mean to suggest that the visit was unwelcome, it was simply unexpected.
<Slowly opening the door>
J: "Hello?"
A: "Hey, man, Jack, how's it goin'?"
J: "Alright. What's up?"
A: "Hey, so I just got back from this date, and it went on a lot longer than I expected. I was thinking we were just going out to get something to eat, then we'd be heading back home, but then..."
"Is this real life? Did he seriously come over at three AM to recount his date?"
A: "so we just ended up going  bungee jumping, then we went-"
J: "You went bungee jumping tonight?!"
A: "Yeah, man. Wait, no. What I had meant to say was that we went... we went to the, the trampoline >?"
J: "Like Lowe's?"
A: "Yeah. But-"
J: "That's not bungee jumping, Andrew. Not even a little bit."
A: "Hahaha, anyways. What I had wanted to do was just come back and watch a movie. And I was wondering if your dorm had Netflix."
J: "My dorm? I mean, I don't know if everyone has Netflix. I have Netflix."
A: "Oh, cool. Where do you have it? Like in the living room?
"It's not exactly fixed to a location. I'm not sure you understand the internet, Andrew.."
J: "No, it's on my computer."
A: "Okay. Oh. So.. How's this gonna work?"
J: "How's what going to work...?" 
<Realizing that he doesn't have any intention of verbally asking if he can use my computer and Netflix account to watch something>
A: <While walking into my room> "Oh, like, on here?" <Pointing to my desktop>
J: "Nah, it's on my laptop." <Pointing it out on my desk>
A: "So, where should I like.. I mean, if you wanna watch with me.. but if you're tryna like get to sleep..."
J: "Yeah, I'll be turning in soon, so I think that the living room would be best."
<As I start up my computer and open Netflix>
A: "So where is everybody, man?"
J: "I dunno. I think David's hiking."
A: "Why are you just all alone?"
J: "... Andrew, it's three AM. I'm going to sleep.."
A: "Yeah.. As I was sayin' it, I now realize that your answer makes a lot more sense than my question. Hahaha. You know what I'm sayin'? Hahaha. I think I was just thinking that like on a Friday night people should be out with other people."
<I finish loading up the computer and starting Netflix>
A: "Yeah, hey, so do you think I could just like take this to my room, then bring it back tomorrow morning?" [I don't want you to think that I'm saying this was a ridiculous question, it was just not a possibility at that time]
J: "No. I'm leaving early tomorrow morning. Sorry." <I wasn't sorry>
A: "Ah, it's cool, man. You think we should check to see if 'Big Fish' is on there first?"
J: "It's on there. Goodnight, Andrew."


So, that was super weird. I mean, fine, but super weird. 


-Sir Jacob van Heemskerck Duker DeBaltzo Esquire

***Just to be clear, I love Andrew. He's absolutely terrific. He's friendly, outgoing, personable, happy, and generally very considerate. This was just super goofy and had to be documented. I mean, come on! That was pretty crazy.